Anti Bush & political Quotes

Here are all the quotes and bushisms we have come across. Have we missed a good one? Send it to us!

"Scientists at NASA have stopped high-fiving. It seems that the Mars rover no longer wants to talk to us. So minutes ago President Bush announced that this proves that Mars is not cooperating with our inspection and the war is on."
- Bill Maher

"There's a rumor that President George Bush had a nose job, that he had some kind of plastic surgery, that he actually had a nose job. If this is true, that's the first new job he's created since taking office."
- David Letterman

"Don't automatically obey Presidential directives if you disagree or if you suspect he hasn't considered key aspects of the issue."
- Donald Rumsfeld

"Is it me or is President Bush's life starting to sound like a country song. He's from Texas, his dog just died, and it looks like he might lose his job. Next thing, his truck is going to break down."
- Jay Leno

"There was a scare in Washington when a man climbed over the White House wall and arrested. This marks the first time a person has gotten into the White House unlawfully since... President Bush."
- David Letterman

"A Newsweek poll said if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat Bush 49 percent to 46 percent. And today, President Bush called Newsweek magazine a threat to world peace."
- Jay Leno

"President Bush is getting a little desperate to justify the war. He's looking for a country music star to write a song called, 'Sometimes America Just Likes to Kick Some Ass.'"
- Jay Leno

"You may have heard this, that NASA discovered water on Mars... When he heard about the water on Mars, President Bush said, 'Is it regular or unleaded?'"
- Craig Kilborn

"President Bush was in Los Angeles yesterday where he announced his new campaign theme - "Safer, Stronger, and Tested." Isn't that a condom ad?"
- Jay Leno

"Do you realize that the Bush administration has now produced more gay marriages than jobs?"
- Jay Leno

"Attorney General John Ashcroft is in intensive care. He's suffering from a severe case of pancreatitis, which they can't really figure out because he's not really a drinker. They think he might have picked up some type of infection while wiping his ass with the Bill of Rights."
- Bill Maher

"Attorney General John Ashcroft has been hospitalized. I believe he is suffering from homophobia. No, actually, it was just gallstones, but when they gave him the hospital gown that opens in the back, he refused to wear it, he thought it was a gay wedding dress."
- Jay Leno

"A Texas man, still drunk from four days of partying, broke into an airplane hangar and stole two planes, flying one into an power line, thus fulfilling his commitment to the Texas Air National Guard."
- Tina Fey, SNL "Weekend Update"

"Attorney General John Ashcroft was admitted Thursday to the intensive care unit of a Washington hospital for gallstone pancreatitis. While he was there, doctors may also try to remove the stick from his butt."
- Tina Fey

"The election is in full-swing. Republicans have taken out round-the-clock ads promoting George Bush. Don't we already have that? It's called Fox News."
- Craig Kilborn

"The Bush campaign for re-election has officially begun. They're actually running television commercials. Have you seen any of the television commercials? In one of the commercials, you see George Bush for thirty seconds. In another commercial, you get to see George Bush for sixty seconds - kind of like his stint in the National Guard."
- David Letterman

"Bush went on to attack the Democrats' policies. (Bush says) 'Their agenda is to increase federal taxes, to build a wall around this country and to isolate America from the rest of the world.' Hmm. So you're concerned the Democrats might do something that would damage America's standing in the world. Interesting... that you would think that's still possible."
- Jon Stewart

"Yesterday, Attorney General John Ashcroft had surgery to remove his gall bladder. Doctors say the surgery was difficult because Ashcroft refused to take his clothes off."
- Conan O'Brien

"In his latest campaign commercial, President Bush talks about 'times of change.' If he thinks these times are changing, wait till November."
- Jay Leno

"President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either."
- David Letterman

"He is purple - the gay pride color; and his antenna is shaped like a triangle - the gay pride symbol."
- Jerry Falwell, on Teletubbies character Tinky Winky

"I'm not into this detail stuff. I'm more concepty."
- Donald Rumsfeld

"We do know, of certain knowledge, that (Bin Laden) is either in Afghanistan or in some other country or dead."
- Donald Rumsfeld

"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way - all of them who have tried to secularize America - I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'"
- Jerry Falwell directs blame for 9/11. September 13 2001

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